After hitting a very low place with panic attacks and agoraphobia, I still have a long ways to go. But I've improved and there are only a few times in my life when I've actually been able to feel growth. I want to share it, in case it gives hope to even one person. My disclaimer: panic is caused by different things, so this is what is helping me. The following may not help you but I want to share it:
* I live "in the now" -- a cliche phrase but powerful. It helps me stop over-analyzing events of the past, to forgive parents, myself, let go of some sorrows, start fresh each day. Parts of the past will always hurt, parts I'll always hold onto and cherish. So much I can let go of though. I do this by catching myself when I'm dwelling too long on something that's over and done. (I don't mean to diminish those of us dealing with loss; we need to get these feelings out and it takes time to heal as best we can.) I let go off the energy I used to spend worrying about future days or energy wanting something in the future, too. What I have is "right now." This helps with anticipatory anxiety too. It's a process of constant practice and catching yourself, steering your mind back to the present moment.
* I never used to feel I DESERVED anything good whether it was a walk in the park or diamond earrings. I'm still working on this. A counselor helped me see that my thought of "am I deserving, I don't think so" doesn't even need to be in my mind. She said that I'm deserving because I am alive, a good person, and the world needs me. When she said it, it made sense. I've tried to open and let this in. It takes time and practice also.
* I am working to feel love and compassion for myself. I feel it from my heart for others. I have people who care about me and offer me love. I'm teaching myself that I'm worthy of this. It means canceling out messages from the past, from parents-teachers-peers, that I was constantly "less" than everyone around me. When I listened to what my inner voice was saying, I knew I was not that awful. Try writing down all negative self thoughts like I don't like my hair, my skin, my smile, my voice, I have nothing to offer, etc. I saw that I needed to begin liking all that I am and will become. I believe our darkest moments are the best times to seek this gentleness and tenderness toward ourselves. I have the right to build this feeling within me each day, no matter what someone else thinks about me. I know this is hard. Let go of being perfect, of being so hard on yourself.
* Meditating -- I have learned this isn't the mysterious, odd practice I thought it was. It can be simple, a quiet still time. It's not for everyone, but it can be a vital way to teach us about finding more calm. The key that "opened the door" for me was a really good guided meditation tape. Unfortunately I don't have the name of who does this tape. There are some icky "new age" ones out there but some good ones too. I couldn't have done this alone; I needed guidance.
So - I still get anxious every day. I have panic attacks; they are never as intense as before. I have learned what helps "bring me down," that I overreact to fear thoughts and let negative thoughts not be balanced with healthy, coping ones. I'm not always happy; panic disorder is miserable!! I wish I was not high strung. I don't mean to make anything sound easy or that I'm done working on this. But I have found relief and comfort from the above, and in reaching out to many of you! I've made several close friendships here that I'll treasure always.