Struggle. The word pretty much sums up my fight with agoraphobia. For 6 years I lived my life in fear, not really knowing what the next day would bring. I couldn't go anywhere that was far away from my home, for fear that I would not get back. I was afraid of going anywhere alone. Even if someone I was close to went somewhere, I was afraid that something may happen to them. I was in a constant state of fear. It was unbearable. I missed out on so much, on my late teenage years. I thought that it would get better with time, but, of course, it got worse, and it got to the point where I didn't even want to go to the local grocery store on my own. I decided then that it was time that I needed to get some help. Last year I started therapy.
Therapy? Well, I didn't think that it was going to help me at all. I couldn't even help myself; how was anyone else going to offer me help? I can remember long hours of tears. Thinking that I was going to fail, I was scared to heal. I guess I just wanted some protection for once in my life, and, evidently, not going anywhere and avoiding my situations was my way of feeling secure.
I woke up and saw through my pain. I was put on Paxil, and, in 1 month, I overcame my obstacle; I went to the next town, and I went shopping (which, I don't know how good that was, considering the money that I spent :) ). From then on, I found my inner strength, and I pushed on. Of course, I have those little interfering panic attacks, but I tell myself "NO!!!!" -- that I will not have one ... and that if I do, I can get myself out of that situation. I found out that deep breathing helps a lot. I taught myself to take deep breaths when I start to hyperventilate, and you wouldn't believe the impact that it has on me ... I feel awesome. Every time that I go somewhere, I still have my support person with me. I still need her to ride along, but I don't need her to calm me down.
It is a long haul out there, but I am going to say that the gold is out there for the taking. Reach out, and find the light; life is so great. Anyone, can do it, if they have faith. Fear is just a hurdle, and those of us who don't have long enough legs to jump it, learn to take our time. After a few tries we get over it and we get on with our lives. It is honestly time to stop letting fear rip our lives from underneath us. Let's take it back -- for there are so many things to see.