Being a support person is something which you cannot take lightly. The ill person has turned to you to be his or her life-line in returning to a "normal" world. -- Kenneth V. Strong
The Importance of Support
Many kinds of support are needed by and available to people with anxiety disorders. While many of us tend to rely on one person for support, the truth is that anyone who knows us and who knows we have an anxiety disorder potentially is a source of support. That does not mean we should tell every person the most intimate details of our illness. There are people for that purpose -- therapists. However, in order to recover fully, we should be prepared to ask for help and to help our support people do the best they can.
Many people with anxiety disorders tend to rely on spouses and significant others for their main source of support. An example may be seen with panic disorder. As panic disorder progresses (particularly into agoraphobia), the sufferer usually relies on a "safe" person for transportation or to run errands. Both parties usually are unaware of the dependency patterns that develop, patterns which usually aid in the progression of the illness. No one is to blame however, if the pattern progresses too far. The "safe" person should not withdraw support suddenly because others deem it unhealthy or co-dependent.
Support Tips
Even the best relationships may be ruined by interactions as described above. To avoid such a problem, consider these tips for both those with anxiety disorders and their support people:
- Don't fall into a giver/taker relationship without knowing what's happening. Understand the difference between "support" person and "safe" person.
- Be sure the person with the anxiety disorder has a support system rather than just one support person. There is always a chance that the support person might not be there. There should be other people ready to help.
- Those who are couples should have counseling together, and the support person should consider counseling alone.
- Don't dismiss friends and other family members as possible support people. For example, one person could help with shopping desensitization; another might offer nonjudgmental comfort during panic attacks.
- For the person with the anxiety disorder: Do not pour out all your troubles to everyone. If you feel the need to tell everyone your problems, then you're probably not getting very good therapy (or you're not understanding why you're in therapy). Yes, people should know the basics of your problem. No, they don't need a play-by-play of each anxiety episode.
- Get informed!! Now!! Anyone who wants to take an active role of support should keep up-to-date on anxiety disorders. And so should the person with panic disorder. An excellent place to begin for the support person is Anxiety Disorders - The Caregivers. You may also meet other support people on the site's email list.
Become educated about your situation. Do not underestimate the impact illness may have on your relationship. Be as open as possible with each other at all times. For the support person -- always, always, always let the person with the anxiety disorder know if you are having difficulty handling the situation. Allow others to share in your support. And treat the anxiety disorder as seriously as you'd treat any other illness. Remember, recovery is your number one goal.
