"Getting By" is a section of the weekly e-mail Panic Disorder newsletter. Each week, I present a question or scenario faced by people with panic disorder and/or agoraphobia, and readers respond. One or two responses are featured in the newsletter and the rest are posted on this page. If you would like to sign up for this free weekly e-mail newsletter, please click here.
12/18/97
The question: You've decided to host a holiday function at your home this year (whether it's friends, family, both). Then, the night before the function, or the morning of, you suddenly start thinking, "No way. There's no way I can do this." Now what?
Sally:
"I find that this ALWAYS
happens to me and I find several ways to handle it (usually one works
12/04/97
The question: If you are having a panic attack in a public
place, and your support person is with you, what is/are the best
thing(s) your support person can do to help you?
Jenny:
"If I am in that situation I would ask my support person to take me outside
and to help me do my breathing exercises, after I would see if I'm better
or I'll ask him to get me some Xanax. I would wait for a few minutes and if
I am OK I would ask him to take me back to the place but searching for a
not so crowdy space."
Sue:
"When having a panic attack either at home or in a public place with or
without someone there are a few things that I always do. First I acknowledge
that I'm having one, if I'm alone I talk to myself or if someone is with me I
let them know. Then either I'm prompted by someone or try to remember to
start breathing from my diaphram. Lots of deep controlled breaths in thru
the nose and out thru the mouth counting during each inhalation and
exhalation. After a few minutes I like to talk to someone. Not about
anxiety, but about any other topic in the world. If I'm alone, I start
reading a book, or knit or listen to a tape. I try to walk around too,
escepecially if I'm in public. I keep telling myself it'sonly a panic
attack, I can make it, then I think about what I needed to do, or what else I
needed to buy. The worst thing in the world to do is dwell on what's
happening. You have to calmly think about what you are doing (not easy at
all but.......)
My support person will keep reminding me to breath and chit chat with me.
The worst thing that one can do, is take you right out of the situation.
Running only makes it seem worse. When you can get thru a panic attack and
still keep doing what you need to do then they seem to lose some of their
hold on you.
A few months ago, I couldn't go into grocery stores, malls etc... Just going
across the street to a little store threw me into a major attack. Now, I am
a little nervous if I think about it, but I typically don't have any major
attacks while shopping now. Of course this meant alot of uncomfortable trips
to stores etc.. But it's worth it, knowing that I can handle it and don't
have to have someone with me to go into a store."
11/27/97
The question: Your boss offers you the opportunity of your career;
however, it involves taking a business trip and flying on a plane. Your
boss will be on the plane, too. You've been doing well with recovery, but
you hadn't planned on conquering planes yet. How can you prepare? Or
should you bow out? Your boss doesn't know a lot about your situation.
KS:
"You would be surprised at how many people are sympathetic to those
who fear flying regardless of the reason.
One famous stand-up comedian talked about the hypnosis treatment
he received for the problem.
Another comedian stated that he takes tranquilizers to deal with
his fear of flying.
My extended family jokingly make bets as to whether or not I will
board the plane. They accept my anxieties.
The solution for me is to take Xanax before and during the flight.
It works. Tho, before the last flight I took one pill too many and
slept for the whole trip. This story produced guffaws from my
extended family. Sleeping thru the flight isn't such a bad idea;
it beats the boredom.
I would tell my boss that I become anxious on airplanes and that I
deal with it by taking Xanax.
We all feel embarrassed to admit to others that we suffer
anxieties but you'd be surprised at how many people are
sympathetic.
Something to consider..."
John:
"Be up front and tell your boss you might have difficulties taking a
plane. If he is understanding, that will help make the plane trip
much easier for you. If boss is not understanding, there is nothing
you can do about it so try not to be concerned if you can't get on
the plane."
10/30/97
The question: You're on a medication that is helping
you a lot with panic disorder. A friend finds out about it and
starts bugging you about not "coping" with your problems. What
do you say or do?
Jim:
"I can say that I have been there, and got the bumper stickers too!
I have never kept my panic attack situation secret, and am quite open with others about both the situation and the meds I take.
Luckily the "attacks" are few and far between thanks to the meds I take, but they can and do pop up every now and then.(Mostly small irritating bursts of pesky visits just to remind me They are still there.)
In the given situation I would let the well-meaning "friend" go on about their business of offering their opinion. No sense trying to stop them, as they will do it anyway!
When they are done, I would simply let them know that "coping" with life's anxiety and stressors has nothing to do with panic attacks at all.
They will say they know better of course, and blather on more. (They enjoy this so why stop them?)
When they are done, I'd state again that panic attacks are not related to coping with "stressors" at all.
If they stop talking long enough to listen, I might explain further. If they don't then I'd thank them for their concern, and simply silently remember that "Dumb and Dumber" is not only a movie, but is
also some people's state of being.
An alternative might be to ask what meds they take. If you are lucky you might be able to offer them some totally useless information regarding their "condition" then.
They might miss the point, but you'll have a riot!"
10/23/97
The question: A close friend keeps asking you to do things you don't feel up to doing yet
(i.e. shopping in a mall). You feel that she/he isn't really understanding your situation.
What do you do?
Zipple: "If my best friend kept pestering me to go to the mall I would
give it a shot on the condition she promised to leave the minute I said so.
It's important to keep trying to get out and do the things you think you can't!
If you fail the first time you just keep trying!"
Karen: "If i knew that my friend would be willing to at least a small amount of
understanding then i would ask her to go somewhere that I CAN make it to,
somewhere perhaps closer or somewhere that i have been to that i feel
comfortable at. If she is my friend no matter what im going through she will
try to go to where i feel comfortable. And if that didnt work then i would
just have to say Im sorry but i dont feel comfortable in that area so Im
going to have to pass, but thanks for thinking of me."
Joe: "Try to explain to them what you're going through, how each day is a trial and you have to
get from one point to the other. Let them know that you value them for the support they've
given to so far, but you'll know when and if you're ready for something like what they're
proposing. When the time comes that you are ready, you look forward to sharing the
experience with them - but not right now! If that fails, you might want to consider why they
are pressing you. Is it a valid interest in you - or is it a need to dominate and control you.
Think about it - some people have needs that we can't see."
Cindy: "I would tell my friend that I know it's hard for them to understand my
situation and I don't expect them to but to please be patient with me. I
then might suggest that we do other things such as a hike or a movie. I'll
convince them that I want to spend time with them but that I am just too
uncomfortable in a place such as the mall. I guess if they are really a good
friend then they would enjoy my company anywhere."
Thadd: "What I would do is simply make up a lame excuse why I couldn't go,
probably leave the message on an answering machine instead of face to
face. Or do what I traditionally do, say I'll do something then just
simply not show up."
Hope one helps !"