If you lose weight quickly, starving yourself in the process, you have a much greater chance of gaining the weight back than if you lose weight sensibly, one or two pounds per week, eating healthily and exercising. Recovery from phobias is similar for many people, I think, mostly those of us who had the phobias for a long time. If you just keep forcing yourself into situations where you feel horrible and panicky, using no coping techniques to manage those feelings and thoughts, it is my opinion that you will burn out much more quickly. Panic and anxiety are exhausting to both body and mind. The whole reason we become phobic is because we want to avoid situations and places which made us feel horrible. It is true that we will have to feel discomfort in returning to those places, but recovery is not as simple as returning to those places. We must push, but we must also pull back. We must allow ourselves to feel the discomfort, but we must learn ways to ease it. We must be firm with ourselves in making the commitment to move foward, but we should be patient and caring for ourselves when a panic attack sends us home. As with permanent weight loss, we must look at the bigger picture, having faith that if we do what so many have done before (the relaxation, the therapy, the breathing, etc.), then we will make it, even if it doesn't feel good when we start.

For everyone who has asked me, "Why do you think this has happened so suddenly?" ("this" being my new-found social life), I have to say that I wish you could watch a movie of my life during the past two years (at least). For me, there is absolutely nothing sudden about my recent experiences, other than I hadn't been sure if I would ever be able to feel this way. However, I worked hard to get to this place. Also... I'm sure some may think of my current status as a remission from the anxiety. It's not. I mentioned last week that one reason I was happy to be seeing people so much again is because I'd have to face many emotions and thoughts regarding different relationships, and I'd be able to do it with a good therapist. I am not in a remission right now from social phobia. I'm using tools, constantly to deal with it. I'm having ups and downs. I'm seeing what works and what doesn't. The hard work hasn't ended.

So, during the week, I went out a couple more times. Friday, I went with some friends to a couple of bars, a coffeehouse, and also to the local jazz festival. Yes, you read correctly: bars. I felt good the entire evening except for a brief moment at the second bar where I suddenly felt very closed in and close to panicking. I simply asked my friend if we could step outside for a bit, and we did and I felt fine. The success here is that I felt OK asking my friend to do this for me. I have anxiety problems, and it's OK. And the more comfortable I am doing what I need to do about it, the better chance I have of feeling less and less anxious.

Saturday night, I went on a blind date. Yes, you read correctly: blind date. Not only was it a blind date, but I had to drive to a new place, eat at a new restaurant, see a movie at a new theater, and walk around a new town. I'm using new here in the sense that I hadn't been to any of these places before. Needless to say, I felt some anticipatory anxiety about this adventure (adventure being my therapist's word to describe my social activities of late, and I think it's a good word). So, on Saturday afternoon, I decided to take a practice drive into the town where we were meeting, so I would know how long the drive took and where everything was.

I drove in with no problems until I arrived and couldn't find anywhere to park. At that point, all coping skills left any useful areas of my brain, and I drove back home, mindlessly pushing the anxious thoughts aside. However, as I drove home, I realized how silly it was that I would leave the parking problem until the date. I ended up spending the afternoon calming myself down... took a long drive in the country, took a long bath, ignored my e-mail (sorry!)... and I did feel more calm by the time I drove back. And I also thought of the worse-case scenario: I'd park somewhere temporarily, find my date and ask him where I should park. The worse-case scenario wasn't all that bad, now was it?

As I drove into the town and approached the restaurant, feeling calmer, excited, a bit nervous... I saw it: a big blue sign stating "Free Public Parking." I cannot even describe to you how much anxiety left me at that point. What remained were probably typical feelings for a person going on a blind date. I felt very much in control.

I had a wonderful evening with a wonderful person. I would not have been devastated if the date had not gone so well because I hadn't been expecting more than a nice dinner and a good movie. However, I am so happy that I was able to be me (the me I've been working so hard to find), and being me resulted in a happy time. An exceptionally happy time.

We mainly talked about how my different accomplishments were building on each other, giving me confidence to do more. During the week, I also found more confidence with the telephone. I've been answering the phone instead of screening calls with the answering machine. I also made a couple of potentially stressful calls to my landlord and the telephone company. I handled both well and can picture myself making other calls. It's not easy, but I think I'm able to do it because of the other recent accomplishments. I haven't worked directly on telephone desensitization. I think this does show that once you start progressing with some phobias, it will carry over to others. It doesn't happen over night (for a long time, it can be one step at a time, and that's very OK). But, with me, it has obviously come to a point where a lot is happening at once. I've heard of this experience with other people who've recovered from agoraphobia and/or social phobia. So, if you're not sure this can happen for you, do know that it's happened to other people.

I can tell you... your hard work will pay off when you can look ahead with excitement and curiousity rather than pessimism and fear. It can happen.

Copyright ©1998 Cathleen J. Henning