I'm writing in here because I want other people with panic/anxiety disorders to do whatever it takes to get well. I want you to see that it's not easy. I want you to see that it takes hard work. I want you to understand that very few people find easy answers or instant treatments for panic/anxiety. I want you to see the process.

Whenever I write in here, I'm essentially saying to you that I know I'm headed somewhere. I know that I'm taking steps toward a more positive place. Even when I'm frustrated, even when I sound hopeless, the fact that I'm writing in here is a sign of hope. I wouldn't continue to write in here if I didn't think there would be a positive outcome. It's not that I envision a "happy ending" -- I just know that there will come a day when I report more successes than frustrations.

I do not think my recovery process is a model for anyone else. I would be the last person to tell you what you should do to get well (although I do think professional treatment is essential in most, if not all, cases). However, I think I can safely speak from experience when I suggest that you don't give up and that you try everything, more than once if necessary. No one treatment works the same way with every person. Find the right combination for yourself. Listen to advice, ideas, suggestions -- then come up with your own course of action.

Much of what I do in therapy I cannot discuss here. As someone with social phobia, many of my problems involve people in my life, past and present. So, you can see that I wouldn't want to write about these particular areas in a public place. A big issue that I am trying to deal with in therapy is anger. Again, this often involves other people. Many people who've written to me also mention having problems with anger, so I would like to be able to write more about it here. However, it's a difficult problem for me. I'm often embarrassed about how angry I can be. It's also an emotion that frightens me. When I'm at my angriest, I'm convinced I'm losing my mind. In any case, if I'm ever at the point where I can face my anger, I will try to write more about it here.

I've received so much wonderful feedback on this journal, particularly from people telling me how they could relate to a situation I was in or feelings I had. When I first received such e-mail, I realized that it was the very reason for my keeping the online journal. I'm having the same feelings you're having -- the same frustrations. But, every week, I get up, dust myself off, and try again. You can, too. I will never have a magic answer for you. I only hope that in telling my story, I can offer you some motivation, some idea, some suggestion which will keep you hanging on and trying and getting well.

Copyright ©1998 Cathleen J. Henning